Hermione regularly attends the dojo in Camberwell, London. Here, she shares her journey with Zenways and answers a few questions about a Breakthrough to Zen retreat she attended in Wales in February 2024.
I have been practicing with Zenways for just over a year now.
I knew nothing about Zen and had very little meditation experience when I first started, but used Daizan’s book ‘Practical Zen’ to help me form a 25 minute daily meditation practice. I also live close to the London dojo, which meant I could come in person for group zazen and sanzen regularly and get to know Daizan and the community there.
I went on my first ‘Breakthrough to Zen’ retreat a few months after I started and that was it! What I experienced on the retreat felt astonishing and after that I felt certain that I wanted to continue to practice with Daizan and Zenways. Since then I have continued my daily practice, weekly group zazen and been on several other Zenways retreats. Each one has been astounding. I now also practice Zen yoga with Daizan regularly and work with a wonderful Zenways mentor.
When I was asked to write about my journey with Zenways for the blog I didn’t realise how immensely uncomfortable I would find it. During this process I’ve found myself trying to sum up how my life has changed since I started, how much I’ve learned and how incredible, confronting, beautiful and life changing this past year of practice has been…but all whilst trying to ignore and suppress how panicked I felt about being so visible (on the website) and afraid of ‘getting it wrong’, imagining the shame I would feel from this ‘inevitable’ outcome. After some time of struggling with this, rewriting and deleting, editing, editing and experiencing extreme resistance to even writing it at all, I was able to see that this is it! This is the practice and what I’m being asked to write about itself.
So I see that with this practice all the time I am becoming more aware; of myself and how I relate to others, of the blocks, resistances and fears as they occur, and that gradually I am becoming more able to be with them with kindness, each time learning more about how to move with them.
I am immensely grateful to Daizan, the Zenways teachers and the whole sangha, and I hope in my life to be able to continue to pass on what they have shared with me.
Could you tell a bit about your experience at the Breakthrough to Zen retreat in Wales in February?
I had a fantastic experience at the Breakthrough to Zen retreat in Wales this February. I found the process and teaching absolutely incredible and experienced perspective shifts that have changed how I experience life. It was very intense, some moments deeply confronting, some utterly blissful. Overall I found it a very beautiful experience and the group aspect of the retreat profoundly moving.
I came to Nodffa for my first BZR last February and the experience really kick started my practice, so it felt wonderful to come back for another.
The emphasis of the retreat is on finding out who/what we really are, how do you think the retreat can help people with that?
On reflection, the process of the Breakthrough to Zen retreat feels to me like it helps us practice awareness and presence intensively, and that this practice itself can help us to see who/what we are. Using the questions and our intention to know, to take us on the hero’s journey, it feels like an awareness bootcamp of sorts, that trains us to keep coming back to being here. This intensive practice in the retreat’s particular partner/group setting, from my experience, can lead to perspective shifts that can help us see who/what we are.
How have you integrated the retreat experience into your daily routine after you went back home?
This retreat came at a time when my daily routine had changed a lot. The amount I was working had changed because of circumstances in my industry and I had been struggling with this. What I learned about myself on the BZR has helped immensely with this.
How do you think Zazen feeds the work we do during a BZR?
I think zazen feeds the work we do during a BZR because it is a way we continue our practice. I think daily zazen after a retreat has allowed for anything I’ve experienced or that has come up from the BZR to have space. It has also helped me not to cling to the retreat experience and to practice beginners’ mind each time I sit. It can also be a place to continue koan practice, even continuing to work with questions from the retreat.
If you were to inspire someone who has never been to a Breakthrough to Zen retreat to attend one, what would you tell them?
I would say if you have an inkling that this is something you might like to do, don’t hesitate to try it for yourself. You’re in great hands and if you just go with the process, from my experience, you can discover things I’ve found to be life changing. I am so deeply grateful to have had the opportunity to experience the breakthrough to zen retreats myself and would encourage anyone who has the urge to go for it!
I would also say that there is a wonderful community at Zenways that can be a fantastic place to continue your practice after a retreat. I found my first retreat was really just the beginning and it’s been wonderful to have a community and such incredible teachers to practice with afterwards.